Perfection
by ILikeToSneeze
Summary: You think you're fine, but all it takes is one little comment. One word could send you spiralling out of control, and you're thrown to the back seat, forced to watch as you drown in your own obsessions. Warning: Contains eating disorders and self harm - may be triggering. *Human AU*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, just so you guys know this ****_will_**** be about a sensitive topic which some of you may find disturbing. If you don't like this kind of thing, then please don't read it. The same goes for if you think this may trigger something. **

**Warning: Contains purging and self harm – read only if you're comfortable. **

**A little bit of a break from my usual happy(ish) fics. I originally didn't want to write this with TMNT, but I didn't really know what other fandom I would use, so TMNT it is. They're also human, so I guess you could call this a sort of spin-off from Kingsland High, but you don't have to read that one to get it. The only thing they really have in common is the fact that they're humans ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**

* * *

Mikey entered the room he shared with Raph, and couldn't help but grin when he looked around. The faded blue walls were suffocated in posters of various bands and cars, and the dark blue carpet was coated in a layer of clothes, toys and comics, with the occasional slice of leftover pizza here and there. When Splinter saw this room, he would have a fit. Mikey carefully manoeuvred around the obstacles on the floor until he reached the bunk beds. Not bothering to climb up to his on the top bunk, he flopped down onto the black and white sheets of Raph's bed.

"Mikey," said Raph, walking in shortly after his younger brother. "Get your fat butt off my bed" Mikey pouted but obliged, pushing himself off the mattress and down into the green bean bag on the floor.

Raph playfully kicked Mikey's leg as he passed him on his way to his own bed and Mikey grinned mischievously. "That wasn't very nice Raph," he said, sticking out his tongue.

"I can't say I care too much, Mikey." replied Raph, taking his phone out of his trouser pocket. The phone sounded, signalling a text and before long Raph began to type, his thumbs becoming a blur on the keypad.

"Who you texting Raphie?" asked Mikey, spinning his body to he was sitting upside down on the beanbag.

"None of your business Mikey, and don't call me Raphie." replied Raph, putting his phone back into his pocket.

"Sure thing, _Raphie,_" said Mikey, grinning as he picked up a comic book which was lying near his head.

Raph growled but did nothing except for glare at the top of his younger brother's head. A knock at the door suddenly sounded and Raph picked up his pillow, throwing it at Mikey. "Get the door, knucklehead."

"Why me?" moaned Mikey, throwing the comic to somewhere behind the bean bag and rolling off of it, landing unceremoniously on the carpet.

"Because I said so, now go." Replied Raph, and watched as Mikey hopped over to the door, swinging it open to reveal their other two brothers, Donnie and Leo.

"Hey guys, come to join the party?" asked Mikey, before looking closely at their attire. "You been running or something? What's with the shorts and top?"

"We came to remind you that we have practice in five minutes." replied Donnie, rolling his eyes. "Good thing we did – it doesn't look like you remembered."

Raph immediately sprang up from the bed, his eyes wide. "Of _course_ we'd forget!" he said, running to the chest of drawers in the corner of the room, clothes already spilling over the wood. He flung a drawer open and began to dig through, throwing anything he didn't need over his shoulder.

"Hey!" said Mikey, frowning as a pair of trousers landed on his head, closely followed by underwear. "Watch where you're throwing that stuff!" he shook his head, and the clothes fell to the floor, joining the impressive mess on the carpet.

"Do you guys ever tidy?" asked Leo, tapping a toy robot with his foot.

"Yeah," replied Mikey. "But not that often."

Raph turned around once he was ready and slapped a hand to his forehead as he saw his brother. "Mikey! What have you been doing?!"

Mikey blinked at him on confusion, "Uhh...standing here, dude."

"Well hurry up and get ready then!"

"Right!" Mikey nodded and ran to a corner of the room, immediately pulling out an orange top from the tower of clothes and comics leaning against the wall. He then ran to the bunk beds and lay on his stomach, rooting around under the bed until he brought out a pair of black knee length shorts. He grabbed his trainers which were by the door and proceeded to get changed.

"How did you know where all that stuff was in all this mess?" asked Donnie in wonder.

"This is my way of organising." replied Mikey, pulling the top on over his head.

"Geeze Mikey," said Raph. "Ease up on the junk food!" he prodded his younger brother's stomach playfully, and Mikey yelped and jumped back. He had always been the most ticklish out of his brothers. He looked down at his stomach in confusion, wondering if Raph was joking or being serious. He wasn't fat...was he? Any fat that he might have was because he hadn't fully matured yet; he was only fourteen.

"Mikey's not fat, Raph," laughed Leo, crossing his arms. "What he's got there is normal for his age. Now let's go, we're already a little late."

_What I've got there..._ thought Mikey, looking at his stomach again. _Do I have anything there?_ He shrugged before finishing getting changed and running after his brothers, who were already on their way to the dojo.

"You're late." stated Splinter, frowning at his sons as they entered the dojo.

"Sorry Sensei, we kinda forgot," replied Raph sheepishly.

* * *

"Yame!" called Splinter after an hour and a half, signalling the end of their training session. The four boys gathered in a line in front of Splinter and bowed to their Sensei, before walking out of the dojo, breathing heavily.

"I'm pretty spent," said Mikey, locking his fingers together and stretching his arms out in front of him.

"What are you talking about, you hardly did anything!" laughed Donnie, nudging his younger brother.

"Yeah, why are you so tired? You hurt your foot and had to sit out for ten minutes!" added Raph, and Mikey frowned.

"Doesn't mean I didn't work hard!" he replied defensively.

"Yeah, whatever Mikey," said Raph as Donnie and Leo entered their room. Mikey and Raph continued one door along before they reached their room. Raph made a beeline for his phone, and slumped on his bed, the only sound coming from him being the clicking of his fingers on the keypad.

_Why _am_ I so tired?_ Mikey thought, knowing he wasn't going to get any sort of conversation out of Raph. _I didn't do as much as the others and they aren't as worn out as I am._ He groaned and sat down in the beanbag, leaning his head back. _Splinter once said I get tired more easily because I'm younger and smaller, but maybe he was just saying that so that I don't feel bad!_ Mikey's eyes widened and he looked at his belly, prodding it. He didn't _think_ he was fat, but Donnie once told him that how people saw themselves in the mirror was different to how they actually looked. His abs weren't rock hard like his brothers' and although his belly wasn't sticking out very much at all, it was still _there_.

_No,_ he thought, narrowing his eyes. _I can't think like that. I'm fine – Leo even said I was fine!_

_"What he's got there,"_ the words echoed in Mikey's mind, but the boy chose to ignore them, picking up his music player and putting the earphones in.

* * *

Mikey lay in his bed that night, thinking about what his brothers had said. They had been giving him hints that he was overweight all day, and Mikey just didn't understand why it had come on so suddenly. He was eating the same amount as them, although he _had_ eaten an extra slice of pizza, but that was only because he hadn't had much lunch! Half of a jam baguette was not enough for a growing teenage boy.

He sighed and raised his pyjama top up to his neck, and looked at his stomach. It wasn't sticking up at the moment, but that was because he was lying down. If he got up his tummy would probably stick out again. Frowning, he pushed his top back down again and rolled over so he was facing the wall. Starting now, he was going on a diet. No more junk food for him! He was going to be skinny, just like his brothers. And with that comforting thought, Mikey drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

* * *

"Mikey, come on!" Mikey woke up to the sound of his older brother calling his name. "Get off your lazy arse and come and get breakfast!"

"Uh..." began Mikey, as he climbed out of bed. He didn't want breakfast; that was his plan for losing weight. He was going to skip breakfast every morning and then exercise every morning and every night. It was the holidays now so he had a while before school started, which meant that homework wouldn't get in the way. At least...not until he was used to this new routine. "I think I'll stay here and sort this out. You go ahead, I'll have breakfast later." Mikey said, hoping Raph would buy it. It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"If you're sure," said Raph, and left the room once Mikey nodded.

He looked at his hands and sighed. _There has _got_ to be better ways to get out of breakfast!_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for all the positive feedback, really wasn't expecting that on this story!**

**This chapter's a bit short because I originally had it as one mega-long chapter, but the length was just ridiculous, so I split it where I thought would be best. That's why it ends a bit awkwardly. The next chapter will be the other half of this one haha**

**Hope you enjoy ;)**

**Disclaimer: Do you honestly think that they'd let a teenager make a TV series? Use your brains, guys **

* * *

It had been three days and Mikey was getting good at his routine. Turns out they all wake up at different times, so lying about breakfast was easy. It was the exercising that wasn't, so he usually had to do it when Raph was watching TV or taking a shower so he wouldn't get interrupted. He also had to be quiet so Leo, Donnie and Splinter wouldn't hear him and wonder what he was doing. He could already tell he was losing weight – he weighed himself every night and wrote it down – but it wasn't enough and he knew it. Leo did morning katas quite often, and sometimes forgot to have breakfast. How was what Mikey was doing any different except for the fact that did it every day? No, he needed something else, something better than just exercising, and he knew just where to find out what to do.

He waited until he could hear Donnie in the shower, and crept to the living area to check if Raph and Leo were still watching TV. They were. He smiled to himself and tiptoed to Donnie and Leo's room, making a beeline for Donnie's laptop and turning it on, muting the sound as soon as the screen lit up. Once it was loaded, he went onto the internet and searched for ways to lose weight. There were so many entries, but they were all about exercising and eating healthily. He already did that! He scrolled down more and more until he was at the bottom of the browser, when a website caught his eye. He clicked on it and read the introduction. From what he could tell, it was a blog a girl had written about getting thin. She was only two years older than him – the same age as Donnie and Raph – and seemed to be quite experienced.

He read about her techniques, and found that she used the same routine as him, except for the fact that he did more exercise and she skipped more meals. Mikey had wanted to skip other meals, but he couldn't for fear of his brothers getting suspicious, so he had to stick with just skipping breakfast. He was about to exit the page when a paragraph caught his eye. It was all about what to do if you can't skip meals.

_What's purging?_ Mikey thought to himself, frowning. His eyes widened as he read more. Purging was making yourself sick by sticking two fingers down your throat. Mikey made a face. It sounded disgusting, but the girl on the website said that it wasn't as bad as it sounds, and that you get used to it.

Mikey desperately wanted to be thin like his brothers, but he knew that he wouldn't have the guts to actually _make_ himself be sick. He hated doing it when he was actually ill, so for now, he'd have to just settle with his routine.

* * *

Mikey collapsed on his front, breathing heavily. He'd been working out nonstop for an hour, and he was exhausted. Every muscle in his body ached, but he'd read on that girl's blog that this was a good thing.

He thought back to what she had said; _'Keep on going until you collapse. That's when you know you've done it right.' _And smiled; he was well on his way now! His brothers could be proud of him, and soon Mikey would have no worries. He could be just as good as his siblings – maybe even better! When people saw how thin he was, they'd be envious. They'd ask him how he did it; they'd ask him how he was so strong, how he had so much self control.

He got up off the floor and walked over to the long mirror, turning to the side and lifting up his top. His stomach wasn't nearly as big as it had been before, and Mikey grinned, although it soon faded when he reached down and pinched the remaining fat. _If I can pinch it, then I can lose it,_ he thought, and sucked in. He didn't get very far until he reached the limit of as far in as he could go – that's where he needed to be. Once he got there, he would stop. No problem and everyone would be happy.

Mikey hugged himself in glee – he was finally doing it. He was finally being his own person, just like Leo was the leader, Raph was the muscle, and Donnie was the brains.

Mikey was well on his way to perfection.

* * *

"Did you have breakfast Mikey?" Leo asked the next day, cutting the crust off of his little brother's jam sandwich.

"Yeah," Mikey lied.

"You sure? Your bowl wasn't with the washing up."

"I ate from the packet." Mikey swiftly replied. He was getting good at lying to his brothers about eating; it came naturally.

"Oh, okay. Try to pour yourself a bowl next time Mikey."

"Sure Leo," Mikey walked over to the couch and watched TV with Donnie and Raph, waiting for Leo to call for them to come to lunch. When he did, Donnie and Raph got up immediately. Mikey followed reluctantly, but he tried not to show it.

"I'm starving!" declared Raph, grabbing his plate off the side and sitting down at the table.

"Same here" agreed Donnie, seating himself next to Raph with his plate.

Mikey smiled at Leo as he handed him his plate and the two sat in the seats opposite Raph and Donnie. Mikey looked at his food and internally grimaced. He'd heard that some people could tell you exactly how many calories were in every piece of food. Mikey wanted to do that – it would be great to know how many calories you were putting into your body, so you could get the bare minimum. _None's better than the bare minimum._ He thought back to the girl's blog and what she had said about purging. It can't be that bad...can it? She didn't say it was bad, she just said it was uncomfortable. _So do it. _Mikey looked at his food and took his first bite, well aware that the others were already halfway through and he hadn't even started. Internally beating himself up with every bite he took, he managed to finish the sandwich just after his brothers, but his still felt terrible about it. _I have to be stronger._ He thought. _I can't just give in to a sandwich!_

"Mikey!" Raph's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he plastered a smile onto his face before looking at his brother.

"Yeah Raph?" he asked.

"We've been talking to you!" said Raph in annoyance.

"You have?" asked Mikey, mentally kicking himself for getting so lost in his thoughts. That would definitely make his brothers suspicious.

"Yeah, are you okay? You looked like you were in _really_ deep thought for a minute there" said Donnie.

"Careful Donnie, it might be his first time" said Raph, and Mikey stuck out his tongue, kicking his older brother in the shin. "Ow!"

"Didn't you like your sandwich?" asked Leo, frowning.

"What?" said Mikey. "No no I did, it was great, thanks bro!"

"Oh, okay. You just looked like you were disgusted when you were eating it, that's all."

_No!_ Mikey thought. _They can't be finding out already! I have to change the subject quick!_ "So," he said. "What were you talking to me about when I was all zoned out?" he asked, trying to be as casual as possible.

"The party April's having!" said Raph, clearly excited. "It's tomorrow, but it's just casual so don't worry about getting all dressed up or anything."

"It's at seven, and we're gonna have pizza and stuff there so don't worry about dinner either." added Donnie.

_Pizza?_ Mikey thought. He wasn't sure how many calories were in a slice of pizza, but he _was _sure there were a lot. "Yeah, that sound great!" he lied. Of course he was looking forward to the party – he _was_ the resident party animal after all, but he couldn't eat that many calories! _Maybe I could purge them?_ No! He couldn't do that...could he? Everyone would be busy with the party and no one would notice him like they would if he were at home. All he needed to do was to bring some spray to get rid of the smell of sick and he could get away with it...couldn't he? _I can do this._

"Mikey!" Mikey looked up and saw Leo looking at him in concern. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah!" said Mikey. "Just excited for the party!"

"Well, if you say so..."

* * *

Mikey's stomach rumbled as he took the plate from Leo and he cringed. He'd been keeping tabs on his weight every day, and the numbers he'd been writing down just didn't seem to drop fast enough. Knowing that skipping breakfast and doing regular exercise just wasn't enough, Mikey smiled up at Leo sheepishly, who had let out a laugh at the sound of his younger brother's stomach.

"Looks like someone's hungry today," Leo said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I am!" said Mikey, forcing enthusiasm into his voice.

"As always," said Raph with a smirk as he walked back to the kitchen with his empty plate.

"Yeah," said Mikey, plastering on a grin. "You know me – I love my food!" _as long as it stays on the outside._

"Well, at least you're not brooding like you were yesterday. That's Leo's thing."

Mikey kept the grin even as his brothers walked away, and only let it fall when they were out of sight. He approached the bin and opened it, tipping in the contents of his plate, before grabbing some kitchen towels to cover up the discarded food.

_Thanks for giving me the boost I needed, Raph. _Thought Mikey. _If you hadn't, I might have carried on thinking that there was nothing wrong with me._

* * *

Mikey jumped up off of the floor and dived for his phone, checking the timer on it. Three seconds better than last time. Mikey sighed happily and rolled onto his back. He had recently started to time himself to see how much he could really push himself in his workouts, and it was working.

The only thing that worried him was that his brothers and father were beginning to notice his lack of energy. They were starting to pick up on little things like how much slower he was and how he couldn't seem to concentrate – more so than usual. Mikey put his slowness and lack of energy down to having excess fat weighing him down, unlike his brothers. It could also be because of the working out he did every night. It exhausted him, although it would all be over soon anyway, once Mikey had his weight under control.

Yeah, everything would be fine.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews; you guys are so awesome ;)**

**This story could really go one way or the other, so hopefully I don't mess it up. I know where I want to go with this, but getting it written down is hard, so bare with me guys.**

**I'm also trying to make these stories sound less British, because I'm well aware that most of you guys reading it are American, so yeah. Also, TMNT is an American show, so it's kinda hard to picture them saying English words haha XD**

**Disclaimer: What do you think?**

* * *

"Hey Mikey," Raph greeted his younger brother, who was, as usual, relaxing in the beanbag

"Hey Raph," said Mikey absently, focusing on his phone.

"Whatcha doing?" Raph asked, sitting on the bed. Although he wouldn't admit it, he was desperate to get a conversation out of his little brother. Mikey had been more and more withdrawn lately, and Raph just wanted things to go back to the way they were before.

"Nothing," muttered Mikey, hardly acknowledging that his brother was in the room at all, let alone speaking to him.

"You're on your phone." Raph cringed at how stupid he sounded, but there was really nothing else he could think of to start a conversation with Mikey, and he hated it.

"Yeah."

"Who you texting?"

"No one."

"Oh _really_?" Raph raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer, only for Mikey to swivel round so his older brother couldn't see his screen.

"Yes. Really."

"Look, Mikey..." began Raph. "I don't know what's up with you, but when you sort it out, let us know, yeah? We're missing the old you.

"What are you talking about?" asked Mikey, putting the phone on his lap.

"You're a lot more..." Raph hesitated as he struggled to find the right words. "_Distant_ lately.

"Oh, sorry. I'm just tired," replied Mikey. "Guess I need to go to bed earlier, huh?" he flashed a trademark grin and Raph sighed in relief – there wasn't anything wrong with Mikey after all. He was just a little tired.

"All right then, knucklehead." Raph rubbed Mikey's head, before moving to the door. "See you later."

"Yeah," said Mikey, as Raph closed the door behind him. "See you later."

Mikey breathed out in relief. He had been reading through that girl's blog again, and hadn't really thought to minimize the page when his brother walked in. That is, until Raph had tried to see it. Mikey looked at his phone. He felt _horrible_ for having to lie for his family, but he was also confused – isn't this what they wanted? Didn't they want him to be thinner so they could be proud of him? Mikey sighed. This was all just too complicated. Everything he did was wrong, and his family didn't seem to realise how much he was going through just to make them happy. To fulfil _their_ wants, _their_ wishes. It only just so happened that what they desired had rubbed off on Mikey, although for that he was grateful – he couldn't imagine having to go through life without realising that he was fat.

Fat.

The word stuck in his mind, seeping into every thought he had. All his actions, conversations, decisions centred around that one word. He was a planet, stuck in orbit and unable to get out. It controlled him, and he let it. He needed to let it, unless he wanted to disgust everyone around him – including himself.

_No_ he thought. It wasn't controlling _him_, _he_ was controlling _it_. He had to power to stop. He could stop whenever he wanted. He was completely in control. He just wasn't finished yet. He wasn't perfect yet. Not up to his family's standards. _But I will be._

* * *

"Hey guys!" April said, opening the door. "Come in!"

The Hamato brothers had come to April's place after freshening up a little, and the party seemed to be in full swing, with most of the people invited there already. Almost as soon as they entered, Leo split off to join some of his friends in a corner of the room. April had moved to dance in the middle, and the music was deafening.

"Donnie, I don't know anyone here!" shouted Mikey, frowning.

Donnie opened his mouth to reply, but before he could a group of boys came over and dragged him away. Mikey sighed and turned to his remaining brother.

"Just you and me, huh bro?" said Mikey.

"Nope," replied Raph. "Just you." Mikey watched sadly as Raph walked over to join a group of tough looking boys, all high fiving and fist pounding each other. He hated that no one his age was there. He felt so out of place. _This isn't as fun as I thought it'd be._ Mikey thought.

"Hey!" Mikey turned to see a tall, red headed boy walking over, who looked to be about Mikey's age.

"Hey," Mikey greeted, smiling. He didn't know this boy, but he supposed he was lucky to have one person his age to hang out with, so he wasn't complaining.

"Your brother ditched you, huh?" he said, gesturing to Raph who was currently holding someone in a headlock.

"_Brothers_," Mikey corrected. "You got any?"

"Yeah." replied the boy. "An older one." he pointed to a ginger boy who was currently talking to Leo, before shrugging.

"It sucks being the youngest doesn't it?" said Mikey with a laugh.

"Oh, I'm not the youngest. I have a younger sister."

"Oh, lucky,"

"I'm Sam, by the way." he smiled.

"Mikey," Mikey said, grinning back.

Their conversation was cut short when April came into the living area, announcing food. "Yes!" said Sam. "I'm starving!"

"Yeah, me too!" said Mikey, although he was dreading having to actually eat the pizza. He'd looked up the number of calories in a slice of pizza on a calorie counting website, and had found that it was a hefty 285.

It took about five minutes for everyone to grab a pizza slice, putting them on flimsy paper plates. The lucky people got to sit on the sofa or at the dining table to eat, while the not so lucky ones had to sit on the floor. Mikey thought he even heard someone say they were going to sit on the toilet.

Mikey looked at his pizza in disgust as he sat on the floor, and Sam gave him a funny look.

"You not hungry?" he asked. "I thought you said you were starving?"

"Oh, I am! Just checking for mushrooms, that's all. Don't like them." quickly replied Mikey.

"Oh yeah, me neither bro" Sam nodded in understanding before returning to his food. Mikey took one last look at his before taking a breath and biting into it.

It was delicious. He hadn't allowed himself delicacies like this for a while, and it felt good to have something so tasty, but a part of him felt wrong that he was eating this, although his taste buds and empty stomach yearned for more, overpowering the voice in the back of his mind, and he got up for another slice with Sam. Leo was there with a couple of friends, and smiled when he saw Mikey.

"Nice to see you eating something Mikey," he said.

"Yeah, man. This pizza is amazing!" replied Mikey happily. The words weren't a lie, but the smile that came with them was.

"April did say she knows some good places," said Leo, rubbing Mikey's head affectionately, messing up his curly hair.

A blonde girl beside Leo looked at Mikey and cooed. "Awh, your brother's so cute!" she bent down so she was eye level with Mikey and grinned. Mikey couldn't help but smile back, even though he hated it when people called him cute. _Especially_ in front of his brothers.

"I'm Monica!"

"Mikey," she grinned up at Leo as he attempted to pull her away from his younger brother. _I'm not six,_ Mikey thought. _And I'm not cute!_ His thoughts must have shown in his facial expression, because once they were gone Sam laughed.

"Dude, you sure know how to get the ladies!"

"Very funny!" said Mikey, laughing with his new friend.

* * *

Mikey looked at his empty plate and frowned. Sam had left a few minutes ago, leaving Mikey alone and with his thoughts. _I ate too much,_ he thought, disgusted with himself. He felt like crying – all that work he'd put into losing weight, and he'd blown it all in just one night. _I'm going to get even fatter; I need to get it out of me!_ _How could I have let myself lose control so easily?!_

In desperation, Mikey looked around until his wild eyes fell on the bathroom door. It was slightly ajar and he could see the toilet through the crack. _It's just two fingers down the throat. If I do this, then it could solve all of my food problems! I could eat with everyone else and they wouldn't suspect a thing!_ With these driving thoughts in his mind, Mikey got up and made his way to the toilet, keeping his head down so that he didn't make eye contact with anyone.

Once he made it, he shut and locked the door behind him before sighing and looking at the toilet. _What was I supposed to do again?_ He thought, looking at the toilet bowl. _Oh yeah, drink two glasses of water...I didn't bring any water!_ Mikey looked around, beginning to panic until his gaze rested on the sink. _Perfect! _

He walked over to the sink and turned on the tap, watching the steady flow of water before running his fingers under that tap to make sure it was cold enough. Once he was satisfied with the temperature, he leaned over and put his lips to the water, forcing it down until he was confident he had consumed about two glasses of water.

He then wiped his mouth on his sleeve as he made his way back over to the toilet and knelt down in front of it, his hands shaking slightly. He felt a little sick thinking about what he had to do, but in hindsight that was a good thing, considering that's exactly what he wanted. He raised his hand and put two of his fingers in his mouth, but stopped as he really thought about what he was doing. Mikey groaned and sank to his hands and knees, breathing steadily.

_I'm such a failure!_ He thought, clawing at his stomach desperately as if doing this would get rid of his unwanted fat. He stopped as he felt hot, angry tears begin to prick in his eyes. _C'mon Mikey, you can do this. Don't be such a wimp – if that girl could do it, then so can you._ With these encouraging thoughts in the back of his mind, Mikey moved back to leaning over the toilet.

Knowing he could chicken out again if he left it for too long, he put two fingers in his mouth before he could think about it, pushing them as far back as he could. He didn't even have time to remove his fingers before the vomit was washing over them and into the toilet. It covered his hand and splashed around his mouth and the rim of the toilet bowl, some of it even going onto the floor.

Once he was sure he was finished, Mikey leant on the toilet bowl, breathing heavily. Had he really just done that? The girl with the blog was right – it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be. Yes, it was unpleasant, but it was definitely something he could get used to doing.

Mikey swayed a little as he stood up and grinned. He'd done it, he'd found a way to lose weight without having to worry about people noticing the lack of food. He quickly grabbed some toilet roll from the holder by the toilet and began to clean up, first himself then the floor and the toilet seat, removing all signs of vomit before flushing the loo, the toilet paper and the sick going with it. Pulling the spray he'd brought with him from his pocket, Mikey squirted it around the room in an effort to freshen up the air.

He sighed and looked at himself in the mirror. He brushed a hand over his hair to make it look less like he'd just gotten out of bed, before unlocking the door and walking back into the party, a real smile on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Not sure how I feel about this chapter...**

**If there are any mistakes then please let me know, I'm really tired so could've easily missed something out :) **

**Disclaimer: Yes, I own them. There – I said it!**

* * *

_Fat._

Mikey looked at the plate Splinter had placed in front of him, piled with food.

_Fat._

He couldn't eat all that. The mere thought of consuming that many calories made him want to throw up.

_Fat. _

Potatoes; 163. Beef; 332. Carrots; 41.

Fat.

Mikey had memorised the calories of some of the foods his family ate regularly. It helped him work out how much extra exercise he needed to do, how much fat needed to be burnt. That is...if he let it digest.

Fat.

He poked at his food with his fork and rested his head in his hand.

Fat. Fat. Fat.

"Mikey?" Mikey looked up to four worried looks.

"Yeah Leo?" he grinned at his brother.

"You okay?"

"M'fine."

"You sure?" asked Donnie. "You look like you're gonna be sick."

_Perfect._

"Uh, actually I'm not feeling to great...can I leave please?" he looked to his father, who looked back at him with worried eyes.

"Eat one piece of potato, and you can go." said Donnie. Mikey gulped and looked at his plate. Numbers soared through his head, and he gripped his thigh under the table. Slowly, he dug his fork into the vegetable, and lifted it shakily to his mouth.

He looked over the food to his family, who were watching him expectantly. Mikey, not wanting to make them suspicious, smiled before putting the whole thing in his mouth. He fought the urge to spit it out, to spit out the contamination, and he forced himself to chew and swallow.

"Can I go now?" his father seemed to be weighing his options, and Mikey waited patiently until he nodded once.

"You may."

He could feel their stares on his back. He could feel them watching him, judging him. He knew what they were thinking, and he knew he'd let them down; let _himself_ down.

_How could I have been so stupid?!_ Mikey shut the bathroom door and locked it. _Not only have I eaten something, but I've actually shown how much I didn't want to in front of my family!_ Mikey grabbed at his hair and leaned against the door to calm himself for a few seconds, before stepping towards the toilet. It had been three weeks since the first time he'd purged, and he was almost completely used to it now.

He could already feel it digesting, and he didn't want to go back to the kitchen to get water – that meant he would have to face them, and he really didn't want to do that. The water in the bathroom wasn't very good to use, as it had given him a stomach ache for a couple of days the last time he'd used it, so he'd just have to do this without water.

It wasn't as easy, and it took him a few tries, but eventually the vomit came up. Mikey had had enough practice by now, and knew when to remove his hand so it didn't get covered in sick. It was a lot more foul-tasting without water, but it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be.

Recognising the feeling he usually got when he was finished, Mikey stood up and flushed the toilet, wiping his mouth on some toilet roll.

* * *

A week passed, and Mikey was well into his routine. After every meal he ate, he purged (although he still skipped breakfast because he didn't like purging in the morning) and he exercised twice a day; once in the morning and once in the afternoon. His exercise routine was to stretch, do 100 star jumps, a thirty second wall sit, fifteen sit ups, twenty push ups, twenty leg lifts, fifteen step ups and then stretch again. He would repeat this as many times as he could without his brothers getting suspicious, although being a ninja did help with this. It also meant that Mikey could work out for longer without getting tired.

He'd been keeping up with timing himself too, and he had already tripled the time he got all those weeks back when he'd first decided to use a timer. It was taking him longer and longer to collapse from exhaustion, which was a good sign.

His stomach gave a loud, desperate rumble, but Mikey ignored it. _It's not rumbling; it's applauding._ At least, that's what he told himself.

"Mikey," at the sound of Raph's voice, Mikey jumped up from his sit ups and landed on the bed, grabbing his phone from the bedside table and began to pretend to text someone, trying desperately to breathe quieter. His brother appeared in the doorway and gave him a strange look. "April's coming round next week and we're gonna have dinner with them. Leo asked me to tell you not to run off like you usually do when she comes or something, I dunno. Just be a better host I guess. I think she's bringing a friend." Mikey just nodded, not completely acknowledging his brother.

"Mikey," Raph entered the room fully and came closer to the bed. "Are you okay? You've been really distant lately." Raph was struggling to get the words out, not being someone who could deal well with his emotions, let alone someone else's, and Mikey knew it.

"What do you mean?" asked Mikey, putting down his phone and looking at Raph as if he were some kind of an annoyance.

"Well, you've not been acting yourself. You've not been pulling pranks or making bad jokes like you usually do. We're missing you, bro." Raph sat on the bed next to Mikey and his insides broke when he saw Mikey flinch away.

"I _am_ myself." replied Mikey. "Didn't you stop to think that maybe all those other times, I'm not being myself?"

"No," replied Raph. "Because I've known you your whole life, bro! _My _whole life! You're paler than usual; weaker than usual. You always look tired, like you're gonna collapse from exhaustion at any minute! Something's bothering you Mikey, and if you need to talk about it, you can always come to one of us,"

"_Nothing's_ bothering me, I'm _fine_!" insisted Mikey, standing up from the bed. "And if you can't see that then just...just leave me alone."

Raph sighed and silently got up from the bed, walking out of the room and closing the door behind him without looking back at his little brother. As soon as he was gone, Mikey ran to the door and listened before opening it and creeping out into the corridor.

"I'm just saying guys," he heard Raph say, and crept further down the corridor to get closer to where his brothers were in the kitchen. "Something's up with Mikey. There's something he's not telling us and it's changing him."

"I've noticed it too," agreed Donnie, "he's a lot quieter and he isn't being himself."

"We've got to find out what's wrong," said Leo. "He's out little brother, and it's our job to take care of him."

Mikey had heard enough, and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He slid to the floor with his back to the door, and silent tears began to fall down his face. "They don't get it!" he whispered to himself. "This is what they wanted! I'm changing for _them_!" he punched his knee, "I'm never good enough! Nothing I do is _ever_ good enough!" he froze and listened, worried that one of his brothers might have heard him, but breathed out in relief when he heard the TV being switched on. He was so frustrated; he just didn't know what to do with all of his anger. He hated them for not understanding, he hated his friends for not noticing, and most of all, he hated himself for not being good enough.

His eyes grew wide as a realisation hit him. On the girl's blog, she had mentioned a way of getting rid of her feelings. A way of escaping it all, _and_ she'd said it worked. She'd also warned that it was addictive, but Mikey convinced himself he was strong enough to handle it if things went too far. He _was_ a ninja after all.

Mikey looked around the room and spotted Leo's new razor, still in the packaging and sitting on the basin of the sink. He stood and picked it up with shaking hands, taking out the razor from the packaging and throwing it in the bin by the toilet. Mikey took the blade from the plastic hold and put the handle into his pocket, meaning to throw it away somewhere it would be less likely to be found.

He pulled up the grey sleeve of his hoodie on his left arm and took the blade in his right hand, shakily pushing it onto the skin. He felt nauseous at the thought of what he was about to do, but knew that once he was done he would feel a lot better. Knowing that if he spent any more time thinking about it he would back out, Mikey slid the blade across the tight skin of his arm. Immediately, red blobs of blood began to form, but it didn't hurt. It was actually relaxing if he pushed aside the feeling of nausea. He would soon get used to it. He did it again, and again, and again, sliding the blade until the sink was covered in drops of blood and his skinny arm was stained red. He could feel the pain begin to set in as the numb feeling subsided, and he grabbed some toilet paper, wrapping it around his arm until no more blood seeped through. He then put the reddened blade into his pocket with the plastic handle, and pulled his sleeve back down, exiting the bathroom and going to the kitchen in search of a proper replacement for tissue.

One he reached the kitchen, he made sure to stay quiet as he searched for something to wrap his arm in. Opening the door of a cupboard, he grinned as he pulled out the green medical kit, setting it on the floor and opening it. He grabbed as many bandages as he could and shoved them into his pocket, before closing the kit and placing it back into the cupboard, tiptoeing back to his room.

Once he was there, he pulled up his sleeve and unwrapped the now-red tissue, prying it off of where it had stuck to the skin from the blood. Once he was done, he threw the bloody tissue into the bin along with the handle for the razor, and pulled out lots of blank sheets of paper from a notebook in the drawer of Leo's bedside table, throwing them away too so that the bloody evidence was hidden. He then worked on wrapping the bandage around his arm, awkwardly trying to get one end to stay as he wrapped the other. He eventually managed it and pulled his sleeve down, hiding what he had done. He felt so much better.

He could make this a part of his routine too; he would be slim _and_ happy. His brothers would be so proud of him.

Mikey got up and walked over to the mirror, pulling up his jumper and top, exposing the pale, papery skin underneath. Mikey's ribs were now visible, but he pinched at his stomach and grimaced, pulling his clothes back down harshly. This wasn't good enough. _He_ wasn't good enough. Not yet, anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I think this chapter is worded a little awkwardly, but it might be just me. **

**Again, if there are any mistakes don't be afraid to let me know either in a review or in an inbox! ;)**

**Disclaimer: No. **

* * *

"Mikey we need to talk." said Leo. Mikey looked over from his seat on the couch before begrudgingly getting up and walking over to Leo, dragging his feet as he did so. "April and her friend are arriving in a minute, so I don't want you closing up on yourself. I'm not sure what's gotten into you lately; maybe it's being a teenager, maybe it's something else, but please try to act normal until they've gone, and then we can talk about what's going on with you."

"What?" asked Mikey. "There's nothing wrong with me, I _am_ normal!" he subconsciously held his left arm with his right, but Leo was too concerned with his behaviour to notice. Mikey had cut himself almost every day that week, and it always hurt the most about five minutes after, when the numbness had gone away. He kept the blade in a small box under his pillow – somewhere no one would think to look – and now always wore long sleeves, although it was summer so he had to be careful with what his excuse was.

So far, his brothers and father hadn't noticed anything suspicious about Mikey running to the toilet several times a day, be it to purge or to cut, but the lingering thought that they might find out was always there.

"You're acting a lot more down than you usually are, and the guys and I just want to have a chat with you to try to sort everything out, okay?" said Leo, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder.

Mikey sighed, "Whatever, Leo." Leo frowned at his brother as Mikey made his way to his room, as the sofa was now occupied by Raph. Donnie was probably in his room on his laptop.

Leo had been watching Mikey for a couple of months now, and had noticed a change. It was a subtle change, but it was obvious to anyone close to Mikey that something was off. Every day he went farther into his shell, and Leo could do nothing but watch as his brother became more and more isolated, but still insisted that he was fine. At first, Leo had hoped that it was just because of his hormones, but that meant that he would also have good days...right? Mikey was just having bad day after bad day, and Leo was at a loss of what to do.

The doorbell ringing brought him out of his thoughts, and he rushed to get the door. He opened it and smiled when he saw April, with her friend standing slightly behind her. "Hey April!" he greeted them with a smile and moved out of the doorway to allow the two girls to enter. "Hi Irma," the girl behind April, Irma, smiled and nodded at Leo. She was quite tall and had a purple checked skirt on, with a black vest top over the top. She had black shoulder length hair and behind a pair of black rimmed glasses were grey-blue eyes. She was skinny – skinnier than April, even – and her outfit showed this well.

"Irma, April!" Donnie exclaimed, running in from the direction of the bedrooms.

"Hey Donnie!" April said, smiling at her friend.

"Donnie, hi" said Irma, waving. Donnie grinned and turned to Raph.

"C'mon you hothead, April and Irma are here!" Raph looked up from the TV and smirked, switching it off and making his way over.

"Sup, so what we doing? Movie marathon?" he asked.

"Yeah, I've got loads of movies," April said, gesturing to her bag.

"Sweet! You guys sit down and I'll order pizza." He made his way to the landline in the kitchen, leaving the others in the living area.

"Wait, where's Mikey? Shouldn't we wait for him?" asked Irma.

"He always sits on the floor anyway," said Donnie. "He doesn't need to choose a space on the couch."

"Still, we should get him. He can't miss the movie." said Leo, making his way to the bedrooms.

"Where is Mikey anyway? He's usually the first one to see us whenever we knock for you guys," said April.

"That was because Raph always bullied him into opening the door," explained Donnie, seating himself comfortably on the sofa with April and Irma to the right of him.

"Poor Mikey!" laughed April.

"He's so cute" added Irma, also laughing.

"He get's that a lot," said Donnie, grinning, before his face became serious. "But something's up with him lately. He's gone all quiet and he's acting strange. I don't think he's pulled a prank in about four weeks!"

"Really?" asked April in surprise. "That's not like him."

"Yeah, we know – he seems less happy too. Let's just say it takes a lot more to make him laugh than it used to."

"Pizza should be here soon," said Raph, seating himself in the chair next to Donnie and the girls.

"Awesome," said Irma.

"Yes you have to watch the movie!"came Leo's voice from down the corridor, and the others watched as Leo entered the living room, with Mikey shuffling in behind him.

"Hey Mikey!" said Irma cheerfully.

"Hi Irma," he replied shortly, sitting on the floor by Leo's feet. Irma looked to April, who shrugged.

"So where's Splinter?" she asked after a couple of seconds, rummaging through her bag for the movies.

"He's been really busy lately," replied Leo. "A friend of his is ill, so he's been out of the house a lot."

"Oh," replied April. "Hope his friend gets better,"

"We'll pass on the message," promised Leo with a smile as April victoriously pulled the DVDs from her bag.

"So, which movie should we watch first?" she asked, holding out the options.

* * *

They were two hours into the second movie, and the pizza was long since finished, the empty box discarded on the coffee table in between the sofas and the TV. However, Mikey had only had one slice, which was currently sitting on top of the empty pizza box, half eaten. Irma had been watching Mikey thoughtfully, thinking about his mood, his lack of appetite, the way his clothes hung off him, his pale skin and the fact that he was wearing long sleeves indoors in the middle of summer.

"I'll be right back," said Mikey, before getting up and dashing out of the living area. The brothers, accustomed to this behaviour from the youngest, ignored it and continued watching the movie, but Irma looked after Mikey suspiciously, and after a couple of minutes of thinking, she got up and followed him, muttering an excuse.

The bathroom door was slightly ajar, and after sticking her head into the room she noticed it smelled a little funny too. Making her way further down the corridor, she came to Raph and Mikey's room. She knocked, but there was no answer, and after knocking again with the same result, she let herself in. Her eyes fell on Mikey, who was sitting on Raph's bed with his phone in his hand.

"Mikey?" she said, coming fully into the room. Mikey's head snapped up and he quickly locked his phone, throwing it onto the mattress beside him.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking at his feet.

Irma walked over to the younger boy and sat down next to him. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?" when Mikey shook his head, Irma sighed, not entirely surprised. "You know...if there's something bothering you, it's best to get it out. Keeping it bottled up inside you can be dangerous, and I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Nothing's going on!" Mikey insisted, looking up to meet her eyes.

"Are you sure, because I know bulimia when I see it,"

Mikey's eyes narrowed, "what?"

"It's an eating disorder and a mental health condition. Purging is a part of it," Irma explained gently.

"You don't know what you're talking about." countered Mikey, feeling himself getting angry with Irma. Who does she think she is, marching into his room and telling him he has a disorder? There's nothing wrong with him, except for his weight, and he's getting that under control. Once it's under control, he would stop, but he's far from it yet.

"Yes, I do," she replied. "See how skinny I am?" Mikey looked at her, and sure enough, realised that she was indeed skinny. "I used to think I was fat. I wasn't; I was average, but all it took was one snarky comment from a boy at school. I used to skip meals, and if I did eat, I would purge it out. It wasn't until my cousin realised that there was something wrong and took me to the doctor that it dawned on me what I was really doing to myself. I wasn't getting healthier; I was slowly killing myself. I was diagnosed with bulimia and with a lot of help, eventually overcame it." when Mikey opened his mouth to retort, Irma put a finger to his lips. "No, don't argue with me. I know what you're doing, and I won't tell anyone. But, if it doesn't get better then I'm telling your father and brothers."

"No, you can't do that!" exclaimed Mikey, giving up on convincing Irma she was wrong. "They can't know, they won't understand!"

"Which is why I'm giving you the choice; get help, or I'm going to your family." And with that she left the room, leaving Mikey sitting on his bed, alone.

He pulled up his top and looked at his stomach. You could see his ribs through the skin, and the skin itself was beginning to look a little stretched and pale, but that's nothing to worry about, right? He wasn't ill...right? He took another look at his stomach before pulling his top back down and curling up into a ball on the bed, crying himself to sleep.

* * *

Four hours and two movies later, Leo entered the room, switching on the light to find his little brother curled up and asleep on the bed, still fully clothed. April and Irma had left minutes ago after thanking them for having them. Smiling, Leo approached Mikey and tucked his arms under his little brother's legs and shoulders, lifting him up, but his smile turned into a frown when he noticed how light Mikey was. He pulled back the covers and gently laid his sleeping brother down on the mattress, before carefully unzipping Mikey's jumper. He pulled up the top underneath and gasped when he saw how thin Mikey was. The sight of the pale skin stretched over his ribs made him feel a little queasy, and he lowered Mikey's top before swiftly leaving the room in search of Donnie.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry I've been gone for a while but I had quite a big exam to study for so I couldn't update. There goes my record of updating every day :S**

**I was hoping to add a few more chapters/scenes, but it seemed right to end it there. I might just do a spin-off fic or something. **

**Let me know of any mistakes, I was tired when I wrote this (and still am, urggh)**

**This is the last chapter guys, so treasure every word! ;) Hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer: For the last time, I don't own them. Jeez. **

* * *

"How did we not know about this?" whispered Donnie, feeling tears prick in his eyes at the state of his little brother. It would have usually been wrong for the three of them to be crowded around Mikey's sleeping form in the middle of the night, but these circumstances were a lot more important than common decency.

"Why?" asked Raph, his head in his hands.

"We've gotta get him to the doctors," decided Leo.

"What would make him do this?" asked Donnie, clearly angry, although not with Mikey, but with himself for not noticing. He _was_ the medical one of the family, after all.

"I don't know" said Raph, clearly distraught.

Suddenly, Mikey groaned and his eyes fluttered open lazily. He looked at his brothers for a couple of seconds and then closed his eyes, before promptly forcing them open again with a gasp. "Guys!" he cried, pulling the covers up over himself. "Not cool!" it was then that he noticed their glum faces, and his heart skipped a beat. "What?"

"Mikey, we need to talk." said Leo, frowning.

"Have I done something wrong?" asked Mikey.

"Yeah bro," said Raph, and although the words were harsh his voice was soft and nurturing.

_They know_ thought Mikey, his heart pounding at a million miles an hour. _That's it. They've found out and they're gonna realised what a freak I am. I knew they wouldn't understand!_

"Do you..." began Donnie, but stopped as if trying to find the right way to phrase what he was trying to say to his little brother. "Do you think you're fat, Mikey?" Mikey's heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach and his face went pale.

"Why would you say that?" he asked, trying to keep as calm as possible – or at least look it.

"You're thin." said Donnie. "_Really_ thin – unhealthily so."

"What are you talking about? I'm not-" he stopped himself, forcing his mouth closed. The last thing he needed was for them to find out that he knows he's fat. He needed to be perfect, and if there was still fat he could pinch, then there was still fat he could lose.

"Bro," said Raph in a strained voice. "_Please_."

"Look dudes," said Mikey, sitting up fully and throwing the covers off of himself. "I don't know where you're getting this from, but you're being ridiculous."

"Okay then," said Leo. He had been silent in thought for a while now. "Eat something."

"_What_?!" said Mikey, "Leo, I don't see-"

"A chocolate bar. Just eat a whole chocolate bar." said Leo, getting up to leave, presumably to get the aforementioned 'chocolate bar'.

"Dudes, this is insane!" said Mikey, turning desperately to his remaining two brothers. "There's nothing wrong with me!"

"Prove it then." said Donnie simply, although it was paining him to watch his little brother panic. "You like chocolate, don't you?"

"Okay," said Leo, closing the door behind him. "Here, Mikey. Eat this." Leo handed his younger brother the chocolate snack, and Mikey shakily took it, although he tried desperately to keep his hands as steady as possible. He carefully unwrapped it, taking as long as possible while trying not to look too suspicious, and looked at the bar.

"Go on Mikey, you love these things!" encouraged Raph. In reality, Mikey's unwillingness to eat was all the proof they needed that there was something very wrong, but they felt like they needed solid proof. They didn't want it to be real.

"Uh, yeah! Yeah, course I do...course I do..." Mikey trailed off as he looked at the chocolate bar in his hand. The guys would definitely suspect something now, if they hadn't come to a conclusion already. Now all that was left was for Mikey to actually try to prove that there was nothing wrong. Just a couple of bites and it was gone...right? Slowly, he lifted it to his mouth, pausing and looking at his brothers' encouraging but impatient faces. He sighed and put it between his teeth, biting off the smallest bit possible. He chewed the chocolate, already feeling the calories swimming around in his mouth. Would they let him purge it? No – they probably wouldn't even let him go to the bathroom. He swallowed, and his brothers smiled, although he could tell he'd given the game away with showing that this wasn't just a case of not being hungry; this was a case of not being able to keep anything down.

Small bit by small bit he gradually ate the bar, trying not to think about all the calories which were contaminating his body with every bite. Once he was finished, he looked at his brothers expectantly, waiting for them to say something like, "well done Mikey, I guess there's nothing wrong with you after all!" or "nice job, bro. You're fine". But they didn't. They just sat – or stood – staring at him.

"What?" asked Mikey finally.

"Mikey, you took ten minutes to eat something about eight centimetres long." said Leo, and he could see Donnie wince as each word left Leo's mouth.

"Ten minutes?" repeated Mikey. It wasn't that long – surely! It was two minutes at the most! "It...it can't have been ten minutes! No way, n-no, I didn't..." Mikey faded off, unable to think of what to say to account for taking this long to eat something so small.

Suddenly, he felt a familiar feeling rise up in his stomach. "Uh, guys?" he asked. "Can I, like, use the bathroom real quick? I'll be right back."

"No, Mikey," replied Leo, and Mikey felt like crying in frustration. "Stay here for a little while longer."

"What, with you guys staring at me?"

"Just so we know that you're fine." Mikey sighed and averted his gaze to the ground, trying desperately to keep the chocolate bar down.

After five minutes, Mikey knew he couldn't take it any longer, and jumped up from the bed, startling his brothers. He ran for the bin, knowing he wouldn't make it to the toilet and clutched the sides before throwing up seconds later, the remains of the chocolate bar ending up in the bin. Once he was finished, Mikey leaned his head heavily against the sides of the bin, and suddenly became aware of a soothing circular motion on his back. Looking behind him, he saw his three older brothers crouched next to him, looking close to tears as they watched their little brother fall apart before their eyes.

"Mikey," said Raph gently. "Let's get you fixed."

* * *

It had been a year since his brothers had found out about his condition, and in that time Mikey had managed to eat a whole meal without throwing it back up again. Things were really beginning to look up; he could even manage to eat breakfast _and_ lunch before he felt sick, although they were still relatively small portions.

His brothers had told Splinter about Mikey's condition, and together they had all helped Mikey to gradually get better. He had stopped exercising more than he needed to, and he was slowly but surely improving, although the guilt was still there with every bite. That would take a while to get rid of.

He and his brothers had gone back to school as soon as the term had started again, but Mikey had been excused some time off of school on certain days, as long as he kept up by doing the homework.

_Wow_. Thought Mikey as he looked out the window of the room he and Raph shared. _I'm actually doing it; I'm actually getting better!_ "Hey, Mikey" Raph's voice brought him back down to earth and he turned to look at his older brother.

"Hey Raph."

"Look, I've been thinking, and I know I've said this before, but I'm _really_ sorry. It's all my fault; if I hadn't made them stupid comments about your weight, then you probably wouldn't be in this mess. I'm really sorry Mikey."

"Raph, you don't know that!" said Mikey, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "And it wasn't just you, so don't feel guilty, okay?" when Raph didn't answer, Mikey squeezed his shoulder "_Please_?"

Raph sighed, "All right," he said with a laugh. "I'll try not to feel guilty, but no promises, Mikey!" he shoved Mikey playfully and Mikey shoved him back, transforming it into a wrestling match. It was a while before they stopped, and when they did, they collapsed to the floor, with Mikey's head ending up on Raph's stomach. Raph stroked the curly hair of his younger brother thoughtfully. "Love you little brother. You know that right? Even though I don't say it?"

"Yeah, Raph – I know. Love you too, big bro." Mikey replied, smiling as he nestled into his older brother. "Raph?" asked Mikey after a couple of minutes.

"Hmm?"

"Can we get some food? I think I'm hungry."

* * *

**A/N: I think this might have been my favourite fic to write ever ;)**

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it! **


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